Redefining Home - 2 Month Update

It's always so fascinating how nothing has seemed to change until you take a moment to really reflect. I have completed my TEFL certification at The Language House and been in Prague for 2 months now. As the days go on, it seems that not much has changed at all. Lately, to be honest, it feels like I have plopped all of my old identity right in the middle of a foreign country. I had all these hopes and dreams of shedding my old skin and starting anew. It turns out it wasn't that easy. People had warned me not to expect this. That unresolved issues would follow you across the world. I just simply didn't want to believe them. This all may be true, but there is truth in how much moving to another country will change you for the better.

For those who don't know, I have struggled with anxiety, depression, and PTSD most of my life. I do not come from the simplest family life. There is a cycle of abuse, mental illness, and addiction within my family lineage. Many people in my life have witnessed or personally experienced one (or all) of these. I have spent a huge chunk of my adult life on personal development and breaking this cycle for myself. All while dealing with the common, millennial struggles all of us 20-somethings go through. Right before I left for Prague, I was completely checked out mentally and emotionally exhausted. I have spent so much energy trying to make my parents, my family, all my friends, and work colleagues happy and proud. I had depleted myself. I wanted to finally step outside the safe, restrictive box created for me and take a calculated risk. So here I am -- living in Europe, as I always day dreamed about. But why am I still feeling lost like I did in Chicago?

The answer is simply this: I couldn't leave my mind at home. It turns out leaving the country doesn't cure your anxiety. Another piece of evidence on how powerful the human psyche is. It needs to be nurtured, no matter where you are geographically located. One of the many humbling experiences I have had since arriving to Prague is realizing that all humans are fundamentally the same. Despite all the cultural and language barriers, these people are broken just like me. They go to a job they probably don't like that much to make an income, they are confused about their calling, they have been heartbroken, they desire deep, meaningful relationships. The cashier may never crack a smile or offer any type of customer service, but that cashier is fundamentally the same as my over polite, smiley American self.

Over the last 2 months, I have experienced the extreme highs of living abroad. I have felt more empowered, more confident, and the most excitement that I have never felt before in my entire life. However, I have also felt this intense longing for home, even though I know I wouldn't be happy going back to Chicago. This home I'm desiring is something that I need to create. I am home. My mind is home. My well-being is home.  

Although there have been difficult moments while being here, I wouldn't trade this time for anything. When it doesn't seem like I have changed much, I look up and just breathe in the pastels. Each day that I am here, I am forced to do something new. This post was originally meant to update everyone on what I've been doing, but it just goes to prove the power of putting words to paper -- this was really what I needed to remember to stay intentional and grateful.

*With the heartbreaking news regarding Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain -- If you are experiencing any anxiety, depression, mental illness or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to me*