If you know anything about me, you would know that I am one of those Eat, Pray, Love groupies. I adore Elizabeth Gilbert (or any woman) willing to shake the status quo and run in the complete opposite of expectancy. She was expected, and felt obligated, to follow our societal timeline: go to university, find a man, get married, buy a house, have kids. She got to the "white-picket fence" stage, then realized how much that life did not equate to her true self. So, she divorced her husband, became flat broke, and went on what she would call a 'quest' to Italy, India, and Bali.

I spend a good amount of my time researching and exploring personal development. I am constantly on this pursuit of happiness. I think most women are, which is why Eat, Pray, Love was such a big hit. Most women I know have a common thought: "I did not spend enough time on just myself." I'm still relatively young, and I already feel this way. I have spent endless hours (possibly what would sum up to weeks/months) of my life attempting to figure out how to find a man. Instead of this, I could have started a successful business, learned Italian, or became the yoga-master I always wanted to. If I know all this, why was I still making the same mistakes investing my energies into (the wrong) men?

The truth is, I'm not entirely sure yet. What I do know so far - I am a people pleaser. I have this insane, unnecessary feeling of responsibility for others. I'm uncomfortable being entirely alone, disconnected from the internet. Seriously, when I force myself to be home alone without the technology, I feel like I'm borderline going to have a heart attack. I can be extremely negative. I participate in a lot of negative self talk. (See I just dedicated an entire paragraph to my less than desirable qualities).

The best part of being uncomfortable is the amount of stretching and growing that happens. It is in these quiet moments where I can clearly see my true self, my desires, and wants. Maybe if we spent more time in these moments, we would be able to grow into the person we are meant to be. I feel that as women, we are seen as delicate creatures who need to rely on the man for happiness. I want to challenge that because I have fallen victim to that belief. I have allowed my relationship with men to dictate my entire mood and well-being. I do not want to be misunderstood as a "man-hater", but rather a woman who understands the vital necessity of knowing myself before I can ever be in a successful relationship.

It is woman like Elizabeth Gilbert who inspire me and allow me to see the beauty in the messy. The most alive I have felt has been amidst a difficult situation. To be honest, I am currently in a difficult season. I am right in the middle of messy, but this is where I gain the courage to take big leaps. I do not take the same strides when I am content. Because that's exactly what I am content and enjoying the new stage I'm now comfortable in because I took that initial first step into the uncomfortable. Every day I want to continue to learn and develop my mind to live the most fulfilled way I can.